Insanity: Day 3

Today's wasn't so bad, except I still can't do regular push-ups. I need to work on my eating habits though.

Insanity: Day 2

Plyometrics. Sounds like fun, but really, it isn't. It's embarrassing but I can't do a single non-girl push-up. I hope I get there by the end of the 60 days... just 58 more to go.

Insanity: Day 1

The Fit Test wasn't as horrifying as I'd expected it to be. That said, I must admit that, just 2 hours later, my legs are starting to feel like jelly. Less than 30 minutes of jumping, squatting, and kicking left me sweating profusely and shocked at my lack of cardiovascular endurance. I'd actually bought the Insanity DVDs off Craigslist a few months back, but had never attempted any of the DVDs. My sister commented that, back in high school, I had been pretty fearless and dogged when it came to fitness; I remember hitting the gym twice a day. More than a decade later, I'm nowhere near as intrepid, much more cautious, and a great deal lazier. *sigh* Less than 100 days to get back into shape so I can rock the bridesmaid's dress. I'm doing this not only for me, but in a weird way, also for my sister. Feeling: oddly excited for tomorrow's workout.

Fat Flush

I bought the Fat Flush Plan book years ago, but never followed through on actually using it. I turned the big 3-0 this year, which put me in an unusually contemplative mood. I reflected on my relationship with God, my career, my state of (never-ending) singleness, and the 15 or so pounds I've wanted to lose for, oh, the past 10 years. It's now or never- so I'm going for it. Today's Day 4 of the plan, but I've cheated every. single. day so I'm going to count today as Day 1. Phase 1 lasts 2 weeks and so far, it's pretty much been an epic fail. Yesterday was the biggest fail by far; while watching late-night reruns of The Nanny and Roseanne (don't judge), I consumed 1/3 of a frozen Levain cooking and 1.5 Costco pizza slices. It was mindless eating, and I immediately regretted it after. Well, no more. Let's do this.

Random Rambling

Last night, I made overnight oats with old-fashioned oats and almond milk. This morning, I added some frozen pumpkin. The result? Disgusting. I threw the entire thing down the drain. Methinks this concoction is over-hyped.

I've never been very good at letting things go. That said, it's probably a blessing for me to be as forgetful as I am- because I often forget the incidents that caused me to feel negatively toward someone. However, in this case I'm having a hard time letting go of my feelings for someone I knew and "dated" (loosely meant) for a very short time. The thing is, my head realizes that in order to move forward, certain parts of the past must be forgotten or at least disregarded. I'm already starting to forget certain things- like the sound of his voice, or the look and feel of his hands. I can remember, though, his face. His eyes, his nose, and his lips. How he used to look at me closely and deeply. How his face would wrinkle up into the cutest smile I'd ever seen this side of the Earth, before he burst into laughter. How he touched my ears and asked me tenderly whether it had hurt to have them pierced. I remember how much it hurt to say goodbye. Strangely, I feel like I didn't say goodbye- because he's still here with me, the memories.

What I'm feelin' now

Here's the thing: I LOVE KOREA. And I want to go back. I lived there for two years - for one year after graduating from college, and then again just last year. My friends and family are baffled at my undying love for this country where, admittedly, I've often witnessed an appalling lack of social graces and the heat and humidity in the summer is no friend to my sensitive skin. So when I'm asked WHY I love that place so much, it's a struggle to put my feelings into words. I just do. Isn't that enough? I don't have to justify the way I feel to anyone.

Anyways, right after I returned from my year in Korea, I started searching for teaching jobs again, but this time, I specifically searched for those only in Seoul. Where the cafes, good eats restaurants, palaces, and bakeries make my heart go all a-flutter. And yes, the fact that three of the four items I listed are gastronomical in nature doesn't escape me. I am who I am.

But recently, I applied for and got a part-time tutoring job nearby at a local college. The hourly wage is half what I used to make but it's a job, and I'm thankful God's answered my prayers (and probably my parents', too). But here's the dilemma- do I keep applying for teaching jobs in Korea which would start in March 2011 and tutor only this semester, or should I search for teaching jobs in CA - where my family and friends are, but my heart isn't?

The Art of being Unproductive

I haven't quite perfected it, but pretty soon, I'll be able to pat myself on the back, sit back down on the couch where I've been hibernating for the past few weeks, and say with a grim sense of satisfaction, "I've done it. Good job, you. A plus." And then I'll commence doing what I've been doing, which is essentially Nothing.
Doing Nothing can be very relaxing and satisfying for the first few days after A Big Event - in my case, it was returning home from a year of teaching abroad. I needed those few days. But then those days continued and I no longer felt so relaxed; my old restless energy, coupled with the boredom of being unemployed made me feel as though I'd entered Loserville. It was only a matter of time before my meager savings would dry up and I'd feel like a middle-aged waste of space. I'm NOT saying that unemployed people are a waste of space; I realize this economy's been hard on a lot of people. It's just how I feel about myself, right now.
The future's a funny thing. How do the days pass by so quickly? I wish I knew how to get ahold of its tail and tell it to just SLOW. DOWN. NOW.

hire me, PLEASE

I never would have imagined, as a bright-eyed (kind of, when I had some coffee) and bushy-tailed (what does this even mean?) college undergrad, that, 8 years after graduating I'd STILL be unmarried and newly unemployed. I mean, that's just not the kind of bright and happy future a college student envisions for herself, you know? But one B.A. and M.S. later, with another M.A. on its way, I'm nowhere closer to that M.R.S. Damn.

So I've been set up nearly 20 times by well-meaning friends, family members, and people who have no idea who I am but know me through that oddly-connected-Korean-Christian circle. As a dutiful and obedient Korean daughter (hehe, they wish), I'm still allowing myself to be set up. When I think back on some of those dates (so-gae-tings, if you will), they were downright farcical.

I have to admit, one of the reasons I want that ring on my finger is so I'll NEVER HAVE TO DATE ANOTHER STRANGER AGAIN. Amen.

Day One

I'm as senile as one can be, at the ripe old age of nearly-30. I guess now is as good a time as any to get all my thoughts out on cyperspace, so I can come back and remember what I was thinking at one point in time, because I'm likely to forget it in a few days or so.

My good friend reminded me tonight that there's a difference in saying that you want to get something done, and actually taking the steps to accomplish it. What do I want to accomplish? Well, for one thing, I want to get off my lazy ass and figure out what my hands were created to do, career- wise. I realize that there are few very blessed people in the world who get to make money doing what they love to do. Well, I don't see why I can't be a part of that minority.

Another good friend gets her creative juices flowing by committing herself to writing everyday. I'm as eloquent or as articulate a person as the next (meaning, not so much), but I figure something might be triggered if I get some words out there.

So here we go. Let's get started. It's midnight and I'm tired. See you tomorrow.