Thursday, August 4, 2011

Resistance is not futile!

I've started reading "The War of Art" again. The author mentions the main origin of resistance - the self. One of the forms of resistance is procrastination. Procrastination and I are likethis. We've been besties for years because he/she (?) has been a hugely integral part of my life ever since I was but a wee child. For example, because of Procrastination, I put off joining a cell group for nearly a DECADE. I've finally joined one - but my prayer life is so stagnant and my prayers feel so weak and without conviction. I've wanted to lose about 15 pounds for YEARS - and I've finally started to wean myself off sugar and empty carbs. I've been meaning to improve my Korean for YEARS - and I've finally just dusted off my texts from Yonsei so I can remember and improve. Procrastination is a sly beast. I wouldn't consider myself a creative person - I can't even draw a decent stick figure. But I enjoy putting my thoughts into words. I think I was afraid to process and to draw my thoughts out on paper - which is why I've started quite a few blogs and let them die quietly. As Lazy Girl Rambling, though, let's hope I'm more successful!
The rest of 2011, I vow to kick Resistance and Procrastination's asses. No more letting my ass spread on the sofa while watching Law and Order marathons. No more WISHING I could do this, I could be that. I will do it, I will become it.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


It's day 3 of my 18-day long break. When I was a child, my vacations would be filled with days at the hakwon and miscellaneous workbooks. Now that I'm regulating my time, I need to make sure that it's spent fruitfully and wisely. I'm still figuring it out. I have a few days left until Chicago, so in the meantime, I've been meaning to spend some time studying Korean and exercising. Eek I left out God. I need to spend more time with God. After years away from small groups, I've finallly joined one. There are about 11 ladies, ranging in age from early twenties to about early - 40s. An eclectic mix, to be sure. It's weird - with age, I notice that I've become more confident, or more I - don't - care about certain things, while becoming even more awkward and self- conscious in other areas. For example, I've become more self - conscious about praying out loud in public. Maybe it's because my prayer life has become so irregular and unsatisfactory that it's become a foreign language of sorts to me. Whatever the case, I'm glad I finally did join a small group. I'm looking forward to God's blessings and being encouraged.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


I visited the Tim Burton exhibit at LACMA today with my friend Stella. Truth be told, I'm not artistically inclined in any way at all - my pencil drawings look like they were drawn by a kindergartener, and if I am drawn to a piece of art, I can't explain the attraction. I have no artistic sensibilities. I was amazed by how prolific Tim Burton was - his doodles, his pen/pencil scratches, everything that he produced over the years was documented in this exhibit. And then I realized - he may have been born with the talent, but he nurtured it. He kept trying, creating, producing. And it sounds like a little thing - but when you think about the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years he spent improving his art, the sheer dedication and focus is completely amazing. Today's exhibit spoke to me in a way that no other exhibit has before.

I created this blog so that I could have a space for my thoughts - but I've hardly even made a dent. Truly, I picked the best name for this blog because it describes me exactly. I can't think of how amazing it'll be to look back and read entries written when I was another person. So I'll continue to write, struggle, and grow. I'm thankful for this space.